The Gift of Self Care

“…if you feel "burnout" setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself. The point is to have a long-term perspective.” ~ Dalai Lama

Sorry to have missed you all yesterday, but I was having a great time engaging in the above concept.  (Didn’t want you to think I’d disappeared after just two blog entries, tempted though I might have been!)

The concept of self care is not new to me.  I grew up in a home where we grew some of our own food (as well as canned/froze/preserved it) and made much of the rest from scratch, drank plenty of water instead of sugary sodas, got a solid amount of sleep every night, prayed together and attended church regularly, took plenty of family vacations, and found interests that delighted us and kept us busy for hours.

I had a solid understanding and application of taking good care of myself for the most part, but somewhere along the way I started to let it slip away.  I started saying “yes” to too much and “no” to myself too often.  It wasn’t a huge shift; that would have been much easier to catch.  Rather, it was little by little, bit by bit, that I let myself lose sight of the importance of my own needs.  I had a rather exhausting mental hamster wheel of thoughts like, “I just don’t have enough time for me,” and “I have to do this, so I don’t have time for that,” and “Wow!  It must be nice to have time to do nothing,” and “If I don’t take care of it, nobody else is going to get it done” and more.  Over and over, I put my own needs behind that of everyone and everything else – and that was before I was even married or had a child!

Fast forward about 10 years to my return to school, this time at the Kalamazoo Center for the Healing Arts (now known as The Institute for Massage Education at KCHA) for massage therapy.  From the very first day of class, we talked about our self care as the most important tool in the profession of massage.  I remember my first Instructor (“L”) saying, “It’s important to take care of yourself so you can take care of others, if you choose.”

While the concept made sense, there was a part of me that had fed off my own martyrdom of being busy-busy-busy.  I’m soooo damn important because I have this to do, followed by that, followed by something else.  Right?  (I know some of you know what I’m talking about!)  I mean – I have things to get DONE!  What would I do with time just for me?  Time just to breathe?  I’d never stopped to find out before, but was willing to give it a shot.

I’m not sure I can express just how grateful I am that I was present at that time and place to hear those words, because the concept of giving myself that grace – that time and space to just be – has made a huge impact in my life, as well as that of my family.

Fast-forward to the present day...

As a parent of a special-needs child, the necessity of self care is even more important than I ever could have imagined.  Any parent can tell you how tiring it is to raise a child or children; any parent of a special-needs child can tell you how much more is involved.  (You’ll be hearing more about that in later posts, I’m almost certain.)

 When I’m exhausted (which is often), I’m less forgiving, more short-tempered and, generally, a lot less fun to be around.  When I’ve had some “me” time, I’m a much better everything:  wife, mother, sister, friend, writer, musician, teacher, cook.  Hell…I’m a much better ME!  And that spills over into everything I do because it’s the essence of who I am.

And I have some fantastic friends who make sure I get some regular self-care time, as well as an incredibly supportive husband who encourages me to take it.  Win-win-win!

In the case of yesterday, two of my dearest friends (“C” and “D”) and I got together to celebrate D’s birthday.  We do this for each other every year (going back 15+ years now, I think), as well as take one weekend in early November to hit Birch Run and Frankenmuth for our annual shopping trip.  I look forward to these gatherings and cherish the time we get to spend together.

When it’s our birthday gathering, we get to choose what we want to do.  So far, we’ve taken a couple of cooking classes, painted our own pottery, learned how to do glass fusing, shopped in multiple places (Holland, Saugatuck, and Shipshewana are some of our favorites) and made jewelry.  Yesterday, we added to the list by having a “Pinterest Party” for D.

Quick digression…

Do you know Pinterest?  If you do, then you’ll understand my excitement about the party. If you don’t, then you’d better get online and see what you’re missing.  In a nutshell, it’s an online bulleting board/community where you can see/share/store ideas for crafts, recipes, organization and more.  Some call it “online hoarding” but I think it’s great to keep ideas organized without wasting paper and time filing.  You can request an invite (just e-mail me; I’ll hook you up) and join the fun.  But be warned:  you’ll want to pack a lunch.  It’s that good!

Okay…back to the party…

D chose some food items and craft ideas, then C and I picked from those (and didn’t tell D; we wanted to have a little element of surprise), and I added a drink recipe that had gotten rave reviews to our menu.  Then we spent all day together, eating, drinking, doing crafts and enjoying each other’s company.  (This post is already long, so I can share recipes/links another time.)

Frankly, I don’t care what we do when we get together.  These two are such fantastic friends that we could spend the afternoon scooping horse poop at the farm where I ride and I’d be happy as a clam.  (Note to C and D:  I’m NOT suggesting we actually do that, okay?  Ha!)

As usual, our day flew by all too quickly and soon it was time to say goodbye.  Before we left, we made plans for our next gathering, to work on some Christmas crafts together.  And while I know that date is a few months away, I’m already looking forward to another fun-filled day of female fellowship.  I know, just like yesterday, I’ll come home fulfilled and that fullness in my heart will spill over into everything I do.  And that’s a fantastic gift to give to myself and my family.

Just like anything else I’d put in my day planner – dental check-up, massage, doctor’s appointment for kiddo, riding lessons, classroom time and more – I schedule that time for me.  For my self care.  On a regular basis.  Because if I don’t, it won’t happen.  Really.  If I don’t mark off that time for myself (or with friends or on the massage table or whatever), nobody else is going to do it for me.  Forget the old saying, “It’s better to give than to receive.”  Baloney!  Sometimes, it’s better to receive.